I have been preparing for this day since March 24, 2007. I realized then that I had one year of my twenties remaining. It was a bit of a shock to the system. You get busy, maturing in your marriage, having children, building a career, and all of a sudden WHAM!! You're hit over the head with the realization that time has passed and, whether you feel it or not, you're getting older.
So, from that day to this I have tried to prepare emotionally, psychologically, mentally. While I am sure this is not universally true, I have known people to have a meltdown when they hit the big 3-0. Initially, and at the risk of sounding overly dramatic, I thought I might be headed there, too. But as it turns out, I have experienced some "Ah, Hah!" moments in the past 12 months that have had an effect on this perspective.
1. We are born to age. This statement may appear to be somewhat strange, but it most clearly articulates the concept I have begun to grasp. This life is a proving ground in which we are intended to grow. Real growth does not occur without experience, and experience happens over time. We cannot experience and accomplish all that is needful and desired unless we mature, which comes with age. Case in point. As I type away I have my daughter in my arms and my son playing around me, occasionally demanding that I read to him from the immortal writings of Dr. Seuss. I was not prepared in any way to be a parent ten years ago, let alone 15. Experience, maturation and the wisdom that inherently comes with them comes only with time. To progress in the way in which we are intended necessitates aging. It is natural and right.
2. Wisdom comes with age. While this is not universally true, I do believe that the only way to gain real wisdom is to observe and exercise the intelligent, thoughtful application of knowledge, judgment, and experience over time. I don't think wisdom can be willed, I think it must be earned.
3. There is no end date or stopping point to progression. I had it in my mind that a certain number of things had to be checked off a list by the time I hit 30 in order to feel I had accomplished enough with my life. A few things on that. First, 30 is not that old. Second, progression is continual. I am a big believer in setting goals and objectives and am convinced they are key to success. But I don't think it worthwhile or particularly meaningful to assume that if a certain action does not take place by a certain time, all is lost. Better late than never, and you never, ever say never. I would assert that most people have accomplished a great deal more than they realize at first glance. I certainly feel this way after sincerely taking stock of where I am, and where I've been. Are there volumes of things I still want to do? Of course. Will I ever get them done? Quite possibly. I have more than half my life to do so. Progression is one eternal round.
So, the long and short of it is that I feel good. Life is good. In fact, life is great. I couldn't be happier or feel more grateful for the blessings I have been given. My beautiful wife and precious children fill my entire being with joy and love and light. I am able to provide for their temporal needs and ensure their comfort and well-being. We are surrounded and supported by wonderful family and friends who bless our lives. We are members of the only true and living church on the earth, and sealed as a family for eternity by the Priesthood of God. We know who we are and where we want to be. By and through the Atonement of Christ, we know we can get there. The future couldn't be brighter, or more full of promise. Again, life is good, and I am confident that the best is yet to come.
A few diddies I thought I'd put down, in the vein of taking stock of where my thoughts/ perspectives/objectives currently are. Non-exhaustive and a work in progress. Not posted with the assumption that anyone reading this should/would care much, but more if I put these out there the likelihood that I will act increases.
Qualities I Respect
Selflessness
Honesty
Integrity
Calm in the face of crisis
Compassion
Genuine interest in others
An open mind
Forethought
Patience
Faith
Clear communication
What I Hope/Want To Improve
Better maximizing/respecting the precious commodity of time
Devotion to reading
Personal organization
Balance between family/work/church/self
Use of technology to make work/life more efficient
Optimism
Physical fitness
Willingness to concede that the grass is just as green on this side
Self-confidence
Curb my tendency to be critical/sarcastic
Faith to be still and know that God is God
What I Feel Good About
Love for my Father in Heaven and Savior Jesus Christ
Devotion to and love for my family
Relationships with my sweetheart and children
Relationships with family members
Relationships with friends
Strength of testimony
Love of the scriptures
Love of the Gospel
Professional accomplishments
Ability to win friends and influence people
Tenacity
Perseverance
Work Ethic
Vision
Capacity to think forward
Capacity to lead
Capacity to learn on my feet
Sense of humor
In The Next Few Years Would Like To...
Continue formal education
Return to Europe
Visit Brazil
Read the Bible, cover-to-cover
Read or re-read great literary works
Write
Play tennis and softball
Attend the theatre
Monday, March 24, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
A Beautiful Baby Daughter...
The day we've been waiting for has finally arrived. Our precious Sarah Nicole was born this morning at 8:08 AM. Several things have been remarkable about this experience to me.
Immediately in the first moments of her life I felt impressed by Sarah's sweet and peaceful countenance and spirit. There is no other way to describe what I felt as I watched her come in to this life, be examined and swaddled in blankets and presented to Jilly and me. She seemed to be so small! Weighing in at 7 pounds 11 ounces, Sarah weighs two pounds less than Ryan at his birth. She is petite and soft and mild. She has dark hair and big blue eyes. It was a special and sacred thing to hold her with Jilly, something we did not get to do jointly so quickly after Ryan was born. The three of us had that wonderful moment of bonding in the operating room as we held each other close, and I felt very grateful.
All of the sudden, in the seeming blink of an eye, my family grew by 25%. Now, there are four of us. It will take some time to adjust my thinking, adjust to this new life.
Last Saturday night, I sat on the sofa with Ryan watching the Pixar movie, Cars. I love to be still with him, and as we sat a feeling of wonder came over me as I contemplated how much he has grown in the past two years. He really has become my little boy and brings unabated joy to my life. I thought about how it had been with the three of us and how much I was accustomed to that equation. I felt even a bittersweet twinge as I thought that this would be the last night that we would be just us three. In no way does this mean that I don't feel overjoyed with our little girl, simply that we are closing a chapter that has seen us exploring a new frontier and exceptional life experiences as new parents.
Jill has taught me something, though, that continues to be extremely meaningful. I asked some time before Sarah was born if I would have the capacity to love another child as much as I love Ryan. Her response was profound and insightful. She said that my capacity to love would grow in parallel with the growth of our family, one child at a time. She went further and asked rhetorically if I thought that Father in Heaven loved each of his children equally, or to varying degrees. We discussed the point that one of the great overarching blessings of parenthood is that we can come to better understand the nature of God, who is the Creator and Father of us all. The full depth and breadth of this I will not understand in this life, but I do understand enough to know that my cup runneth over with joy that I have been granted the blessing of marriage, of children, and of the Gospel of Jesus Christ by which I know that the family is the central unit of the Plan of Salvation. I know that my family is bound together by a seal that time cannot wear down and death cannot destroy. Pending our faithfulness, we are destined to return together to the presence of that God who gave us life, to go no more out.
Looking in to my Sarah's eyes, I get a sense of the eternal nature of the spirit. I know and feel that she has been around long before she came in to our family. A few hours after the delivery, after we were situated in our hospital room, I had Sarah in my arms and had that moment where she looked directly in to my eyes and smiled. Our connection was etched in stone, and for a sweet moment Heaven and earth met.
She has me wrapped around her little finger already.
Immediately in the first moments of her life I felt impressed by Sarah's sweet and peaceful countenance and spirit. There is no other way to describe what I felt as I watched her come in to this life, be examined and swaddled in blankets and presented to Jilly and me. She seemed to be so small! Weighing in at 7 pounds 11 ounces, Sarah weighs two pounds less than Ryan at his birth. She is petite and soft and mild. She has dark hair and big blue eyes. It was a special and sacred thing to hold her with Jilly, something we did not get to do jointly so quickly after Ryan was born. The three of us had that wonderful moment of bonding in the operating room as we held each other close, and I felt very grateful.
All of the sudden, in the seeming blink of an eye, my family grew by 25%. Now, there are four of us. It will take some time to adjust my thinking, adjust to this new life.
Last Saturday night, I sat on the sofa with Ryan watching the Pixar movie, Cars. I love to be still with him, and as we sat a feeling of wonder came over me as I contemplated how much he has grown in the past two years. He really has become my little boy and brings unabated joy to my life. I thought about how it had been with the three of us and how much I was accustomed to that equation. I felt even a bittersweet twinge as I thought that this would be the last night that we would be just us three. In no way does this mean that I don't feel overjoyed with our little girl, simply that we are closing a chapter that has seen us exploring a new frontier and exceptional life experiences as new parents.
Jill has taught me something, though, that continues to be extremely meaningful. I asked some time before Sarah was born if I would have the capacity to love another child as much as I love Ryan. Her response was profound and insightful. She said that my capacity to love would grow in parallel with the growth of our family, one child at a time. She went further and asked rhetorically if I thought that Father in Heaven loved each of his children equally, or to varying degrees. We discussed the point that one of the great overarching blessings of parenthood is that we can come to better understand the nature of God, who is the Creator and Father of us all. The full depth and breadth of this I will not understand in this life, but I do understand enough to know that my cup runneth over with joy that I have been granted the blessing of marriage, of children, and of the Gospel of Jesus Christ by which I know that the family is the central unit of the Plan of Salvation. I know that my family is bound together by a seal that time cannot wear down and death cannot destroy. Pending our faithfulness, we are destined to return together to the presence of that God who gave us life, to go no more out.
Looking in to my Sarah's eyes, I get a sense of the eternal nature of the spirit. I know and feel that she has been around long before she came in to our family. A few hours after the delivery, after we were situated in our hospital room, I had Sarah in my arms and had that moment where she looked directly in to my eyes and smiled. Our connection was etched in stone, and for a sweet moment Heaven and earth met.
She has me wrapped around her little finger already.
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